In my years as a PI/Security Guard/’Bat-Themed Vigilante’ I learned a thing or two about police. I learned three key things people should always remember; one, the thing police hate more than anything is having their time wasted. Do not involve them in stupid things you can solve yourself, do not make situations where they are already involved worse for them or more complicated. Two, the thing they hate ALMOST as much as having their time wasted is being lied to or having details omitted when speaking to someone (If you get caught in a lie or key omission, it will work out badly for you). Tell them the truth, do not omit anything that could be significant, keep it brief, and let them do their job. Three, they are almost always nice guys. I use the qualifier of almost as traffic cops are dicks. But something to bear in mind, they have to be dicks. They have to be dicks cause we’re all assholes when it comes to traffic violations. I get it, I’m the worst offender there is. I already got the jaywalking asshole traffic cop’s partner removed for *censored*. Seriously. I don’t feel bad cause it’s a traffic cop, and cause fuck you for wasting tax money on a jaywalking sting, but that’s the exact attitude everyone has, so they have no recourse BUT to be dicks. So I forgive them, but will make them cry if necessary... This fight has to happen.
Anyhoo, Traffic cops aside, regular officers are pretty cool guys. I say guys as 90% are men. The female cops all tend to gravitate to traffic or desk jobs. They may start out doing normal patrols, but they usually go back to traffic. Not sure why. I met a few really bad ass female officers and they scared the pants off of me. But they went back to traffic. Regardless, the guys are usually a bit older, and although genuinely want to help people out are weary of having their time wasted by ungrateful weird people who complain about weird things. ‘Really? The guys down the hall from you stole the bathroom key you forgot in the bathroom?’ ... ‘Really? There’s a man standing in front of your store looking across the street?’ ... ‘Really? The car across the street has been there for two days you say? But now it’s gone?’... ‘And this happened... a week ago... I see.’. You would be amazed at what they have to hear and deal with. I used to hear from them all the time as a PI/Security guard. Less so in my current position although it does on occasion happen. I have dealt with many officers and have yet to meet one who was unpleasant and who wasn’t honestly trying to help. Again, except traffic cops. Fuck those guys.
Like the two cops who had to visit my parents house because a neighbour complained that he didn’t trust my dog because he ‘was too clever and opening car doors’. Now Sam the wonderdog did have a habit of trying to steal cars, but the cops initially were rightly irritated to have to show up for that. The third time they thought it was hysterical as Sam seemed to have drawn a crowd of onlookers applauding his ingenuity at escaping the yard and then getting into a locked car (you don’t become a movie stunt dog by being slow).
Today I heard an actual discussion about how it was disgraceful that a police officer was stabbed in action saving people from a knife wielding assailant who was shot while fleeing the attack. The people were angry that the cop killed the knife wielding man headed towards a crowd of people. It’s the same assholes that pick fights with cops and then pull out camera phones to record the results. The same assholes that throw things at cops when they’re in a crowd of a hundred and the cops are in a group of 10. The cops aren’t the decision makers. They are just men and women doing a thankless and difficult job. Except the traffic cops. Those guys can jump up their own asses and die. But I digress.
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