Bell and Whistle Part 2

So I’m driving with an associate, and I get a call. The ID reads a number I’m not familiar with. I answer the phone and I hear:

“Hello M. Lalonde?”

“Yes”

“OK I’m just going to ask you some personal questions to verify your identity... Is your mother’s maiden name –

“Nope”

“I’m sorry?”

“I forgive you.”

“What are you talking about Sir?”

“Normally when one calls someone, they introduce themselves, explain why they’re calling and then proceed to explain why they need to ask those types of questions prior to actually asking them, allowing the other participant to decide whether they wish to answer, or if they have objections.”

“...well Sir, I need to know that you are who you say you are.”

“So you got my name from Videotron yes? And you called the number assigned to my name yes? And then you asked me, who answered the phone, if I am the person to whom this number is assigned yes? That should be enough evidence in support of my identity to allow you to feel comfortable to tell me who you are and why you’re calling.”

“... Look you owe Videotron 230 dollars –

“Let me just stop you there Johnny Noname, I owe Videotron nothing. Let me guess... Shot in the dark... They said I had to return my modem to their store, said I never did and are charging me for the equipment, giving me no notice, and avoiding talking to me themselves, rather sending it to a collections agency to do their dirty work for them.”

“... well...”

“On the nose. Fantastic. Well here’s the deal Johnny, I’ll drop off the useless thing, get the receipt and then you can call me back tomorrow and I’ll give you the number so you can just check me off your list as paid in full alright?”

“... I don’t know...”

“Sure you do. It doesn’t matter anyways, cause I know. And from now on, be polite and courteous to people on the phone. Especially when calling on behalf of Videotron. They’re the worst company ever and I guarantee you they fucked over everyone on your list, not the other way around. So proper phone etiquette my man. Makes a world of difference.”

“...”

“Call me tomorrow for the receipt number.”

“...”

I never heard from Johnny again. I’d like to think of that little speech really getting to him you know? Like it awoke some deep seeded desire to do good in this world. Maybe I inspired him to go to law school to help those wronged by big corporations. Maybe he spends his time now helping orphans in India. But at the very least I hope that now, whenever he’s on the phone, he’s the most polite and courteous person you’ll ever hear. Who knows. No way to confirm or deny, but I’ll just pretend that it’s true.