I hear the train a coming.

Who doesn’t like trains? I don’t. And I’ll tell you why. Yes steam engines and the romantic idea of the train is lovely. Capturing the imagination and being reflective of a time past, where adventure was to be had riding the rails to adventure and all that... but today we are left with Via rail (Canada’s Amtrak for our American imaginary readers) and they make me want to just die. I could have gone super colourful and detail exactly how they make me want to die, but having had to deal with them at all makes me just so weary to the bones, I just want to lie down on the track and let the train run me over (as it would be a via train though, odds are that the train would be late, on the wrong track, and derail if there was a slight breeze that day). Hey look at that, I did have enough in me to describe a colourful dramatic death scene. Celebratory shots of office whiskey all around!

So we get a call from Via Rail. They want our services. Awesome. They want a big campaign. Awesome. They want to start right away. Awesome. They have no money to pay. Awesome. They want to pay in via dollars. Awesome. Free travel using via anywhere!...Awesome. Right? As this occurred in August and I was planning on lots of trips to and from Toronto and/or Ottawa, a couple of grand in free travel vouchers seemed helpful, so agreed to it I did. Like the gifted fella I am, I thought ‘it’s Via! Free travel would be super helpful! The world is great and I am awesome. Look at that dog! Hooray for everyone.’ but as it stands now, they are just slightly better than useless, and I’m pretty sure making the deal in the first place has resulted in my coworkers losing the little respect they had left for me (which at this office means weakness is detected and leaves someone open to challenge you for dominance, claiming your job and heart (consuming it for strength) as their own).

We don’t physically get the vouchers, we get a credit. We have to call ahead and schedule the trip with them and confirm all the details and the total amount of the cost of the trip will be deducted from the total balance. The total balance being divided among the providers of the campaign, us being only a part. And we have to adhere to the restrictions of usage for the vouchers. And we have to give percentages to people despite it not actually being money, but carrying a value. Long story short, Via... seriously? It’s like you want me to claw my own eyes out. So your business model includes marketing plans that revolve around paying your vendors in coupons and then not honouring said coupons in any reasonable way... thereby ensuring no further contracts being accepted by those same vendors... It’s like you hate yourself and are trying to actively see your own destruction.

Well, the silver lining is that I don’t actually have to go to Ottawa or Toronto. I hate both cities quite a bit. (I can hear the collective ‘HEY! ... Toronto’s... not that bad...’ from the dozen residents who actually care enough about their city to defend it’s honour... sort of) One more than the other, but that’s neither here nor there (subject of a future post certainly), and certainly doesn’t detract from Via’s complete waste of my time and energy. Just clawing at a W wherever one is able to be found.

As I sit here gnawing on the heart of the office Indian (why the quiet one would choose to challenge me I have no idea), feeling his strength flow through me, I realise that I may need to just not talk to clients anymore. I love too much. That’s my problem.